So after a night of tears and seriously worrying thoughts life is finally looking up a bit :)
I guess it just kinda scared me how feeling a bit down can cause all the thoughts to come back and how it seems I'm getting closer and closer to following them through...
Anyway enough of the depressive talks, thats not going to get us anywhere!
Basically I have had a shit evening, I'm bored, lonely & upset, but all I need to keep thinking is tomorrow will be better :).
On the plus side the only positive note of tonight was my parents realising that actually I still need their support and help. I had a great chat with my dad & he explained how because I'm a normal weight and appear to be eating he thought I was all back to normal. To be honest in terms of eating disorders I'm getting there, theres still a way to go but I'm working on it, but in terms of depression I would say I'm still quite ill. Its hard to admit that (especially thinking my friends could see this?) but I've been trying to tell everyone for ages but I didn't really want to disappoint anyone, and I just thought it was easier. But now I've told my family I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I feel like they are all there now for me & now I'm a lot more confident that if I do get the thoughts again I won't give in.
Anyway clearly my friday night sounds thrilling, right? aha
hope you're all having fun evenings out,
all my love, ali Ox