Friday, 1 June 2012

Perfect end to a perfect day...

:(:(

So after battling with myself all day to actually convince myself to go out it turns out I can't go anyway...
I was really looking forward to going to Iqraa's tonight but I can't because I have no way of getting home.

Its just so annoying. Everyone pretends to care, pretends like they're helping me, but they're not!
They don't care that Ive spent all day crying, trying so hard to refrain from restricting, purging, harming.
All that kept me going today was thinking its okay you can go out tonight just get through today. But now my efforts just seem pointless & now I have to spend the whole evening home alone, just letting the thoughts get worse and worse. I just don't know how much longer I can handle this. I just can't take these thoughts, these feelings. I just need to be sick...

I know its wrong but I just really need to be sick...
I don't know why I know it would make everything worse but I just really want to...

I just hate how even though my family know all of this no-one is bothering to talk to me, see if I'm okay. I try and help all of them with their problems but when I'm struggling the most it just feels like no-ones here for me.

Why don't they care about me as much as I care about them...


2 comments:

  1. Hi!
    Thanks for your comment!
    Answer: Thank you so much! <3
    I just don't know if I can make it. Maybe it was never meant for me to be free again.
    Your words mean so much to me, makes me wanna get up and fight this.
    I will keep trying. Keep going somehow.
    Thanks for saying that I inspire you all, that makes me so happy!
    Really like your blog, you are so beautiful, so amazing! <3 Keep fighting!
    I understand exactly how it feels! You try to help people, but when you need them the most they can't even go visit you and just see how you are doing. But sick like this you really can see which people really are there for you.
    I'm so sorry that they do that, cause it really bothers me when no one asks how I feel, it is such a simple question but still no one ask it.
    It hurts so badly I know. I'm sorry that you had to stay home! <3 But you know that you made it through all day, you didn't listen to Ana. You won today! :) You were so amazing, keep going, you can do this! <3
    Treat yourself with something you like to do!
    You are the winner today! Very inspirational that you made it through and even though it was super hard you did it!!
    You are so strong! <3
    Keep Fighting & Keep going! <3
    You will bet this! <3
    I would really like to do a link exchange with you! Really like your blog, how you write and I find you very inspirational!!
    xx
    Agirl

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure you are meant to be free! You can fight this & I know it will take everything but you can have a life again! I'm so proud of you that you still fight everyday, no matter how hard it gets. Would love to do a link exchange really love your blog too! You are a true inspiration, and never forget that. You are amazing & ana can never take that away from you, lots of love ali Ox

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