Sunday, 27 May 2012

Sunday Roast

Today I ate my sunday dinner & dessert!
Okay doesn't sound like a huge thing but I just felt so so disgustingly big today that I was kinda planning on restricting...
But I wouldn't let myself resort to that.
So after our sunday dinner my mum offered us all dessert. Usually I wouldn't even respond; I would think why would I ate when I've just eaten? I don't have to eat again till at least another 3 hours, so why would I eat something hugely calorific when I'm not hungry?
But today I thought well all my family are having dessert, I guess it is actually normal to eat not just because you need to, but because something tastes nice. So today I took a slice of apple pie :) tbh it actually wasn't amazing, hopefully next week I'll convince her to get sticky toffee pudding! :)
Literally that dessert is to die for!

Anyway after eating the apple pie I was like just go be sick, its so easy, no-one will notice & to be honest I even walked up to the bathroom ready to. But I just couldn't let myself do that. So I stopped, sat down & really thought about it. It was hard for me to take dessert, why would I destroy my efforts?

This evening I am quite panicky but I'll be at the clinic for the next few days & things are always better there :). I'm really nervous because I know I'm going to flop my exam on thursday & spending all my time at the clinic instead of revising probably isn't the best idea? But I need to go, theres no point me revising hard if in the exam I'm still feeling like this...

anyway hope you all had a good weekend,
ali Ox

6 comments:

  1. That's really awesome that you took the dessert! Every time you make a good choice like that, you're getting one more step closer to freedom, to being able to eat without thinking of it. So keep going! Don't let ana stop you from enjoying your life any longer :) and trust me, you are nowhere near huge, your body looks great!

    Good luck at the clinic, hope things go well :) and getting healthy is more important than doing well on one exam, that's something i've had to learn a lot lately with having less time/energy to study. Being okay with a couple grades that aren't as high as you wish. But really in the end, being healthy will be so much more important than one grade. And maybe you could take study materials with you to the clinic or something? Not sure how busy you would be while there, but when you're in waiting rooms or something between appointments?

    Have a good week!

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    1. Thank you! Things actually went okay :) hows things going at your clinic? Ox

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  2. I am so proud of you that you managed to eat dessert! And even more proud of you that you managed not to throw it up. I know how hard it is and you did so well. Just think, the next time when you feel like restricting or something else then think back to how well you did yesterday and if you succeded once then you can do it again. Everytime you fight back, you are the one getting stronger xxx

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    1. Thank you!! :) you're so right, such inspirational words! <3 Ox

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  3. Thats amazing news! proper sunday lunch, go girl!! i always struggle on the weekend, so sunday lunches are always this major fear of mine. but you did really well and your right, it IS normal :-)

    Good luck at the clinic. it sucks that you cant focus on revision, but at the moment... your health is the priority, right? think about the NOW and how important it is for you to recover fully so that you can have a life beyond this. its great to have A grades, but there not much use to you if your deep in the depths of an ED.
    keep at it and have a good week! x

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    1. Thats so true health is the most important thing & we can & will get better :). Aha thank you I know sunday lunch seems to scare everyone it just seems like such a big meal! But when you think about it its actually not unhealthy (depending on what you have) but its just vegetables, boiled potatoes & chicken which is actually all good for you! Hope your doing good Ox

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