Friday, 25 May 2012

it's friday...

Just had such a nice evening around Iqraa's :)
I was kinda anxious before, like I knew we would be ordering pizza or something but when we got there I didn't care. I just ate until I felt full :) Like I don't even know how much I ate, how many calories etc
I just feel so normal! :) aha

Anyway the evening was so lovely. I have said this about a million times but chilling with my best friends really does make me so happy :)
It was kinda sad though like my 2 best friends, iqraa & martyna are kinda growing apart. Like we've all known it for a long time but tonight just felt kinda awkward... like they couldn't even be in the same room without getting annoyed. I just don't know what to do. I mean I love them both but they're both so different. Its hard for me because I am a lot more like martyna, but it doesn't mean I love iqraa any less. Its just sometimes I can see things more from martyna's point of view, but then I can't say that to iqraa...
I think the real problem here is why do I get so involved with everyone!! aha

But anyway even though that is kinda upsetting the real thing that upset me tonight was hearing hannah open up. She's been through so so much, she's had like a tumour in her leg, had an op to remove it, but they think its regrowing...
I mean thats tough! & I'm starting to worry she might be slipping into depression...
Ah I don't know she just keeps saying how tired she is, and how she feels hopeless, how she can't cope.
I guess I'm scared for her, like properly scared.
And I guess what worries me the most is I don't even think she can see it. Like I think she knows somethings not right, but I don't think she'd admit that she is depressed. I don't know maybe she isn't... I'm probably just panicking...

What kinda upset me though was when she was saying how it upset her how our friends were worried about me, but not about her.
I guess no-one really understands how much it affected her & I really wish they did.
Like she needs love & support but its like no-one (even including me) knows how to give it.
I just really want her to be happy, but I don't know what to do :(

What she said also kinda made me think though. Like I didn't really know my friends were worried...
To be honest I am feeling quite loved :) aha but part of me is thinking shit how crazy am I...
Ah I need to get over this paranoia!

I feel kinda weird because I know my friends read my blog, so I don't know whether I can talk about them or not?
But then I thought well to be honest I'd say it to their face anyway so I guess theres no problem them reading it, right?

anyway this is a miss-mash of a post!
hope you all had a great friday night,
all my love, ali Ox

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