Sunday, 27 May 2012

I miss her

I kinda miss being sick...

I know that sounds so terrible! But when I was sick everything was so easy.
I didn't have to go to work, I didn't have to do well in school, I didn't have to be there for other people.
It's like now that I'm better everything is so stressful again :/
Ana was the way I coped with my stress & its like without her now I don't know what to do :/

I guess I kinda miss everyone taking care of me, taking most the stress away.
I sound so childish! But I guess its annoying that no-one understands how its still hard for me.
Like the voice is still screaming and it takes all my strength to fight it, but because I look "normal" everyone thinks I'm cured. So everyone thinks they can put all this stress back on me, but I can't handle it.

To be honest I'm saying its everyone but really its just my mum.
I kinda thought above anyone she'd understand that I still have a long way to go, but she doesn't.
Some nights I just need to talk to her, I really need some support, but she always just shouts at me, tells me I'm being selfish & I'm starting to think am I?
Am I still clinging on the ana just because I want to be selfish? Because I want attention, love, support?
I just don't know...

I guess the only option is to kept fighting it, no matter how much strength it takes. And then hopefully I'll be able to deal with the other stresses in my life.

Hope you all enjoy your day,
love ali Ox

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