Wednesday, 30 May 2012

5am

Its so weird but recently I keep waking up at 5am :/
I don't even know why its like I've gotten into this really bad habit and I just can't snap out of it.
So yes I'm exhausted...

Yesterday I was so so tired so I slept most the day. But mum called and was like "your not really tired go and exercise" errrr :/
Firstly yes I am tired. I havnt slept properly in months so if I need to sleep in the day I need to sleep! But also telling me to "go exercise" is just going to make me think I'm so fat... even mum thinks I've gotten to big now... don't eat, don't eat!! And being home alone makes the urge not to eat even harder to control.

Yesterday was kinda a test for me. I could've eaten nothing & no-one would've known but instead I fully did my meal plan, so I'm actually quite proud of myself :)
Sometimes its so hard to follow it fully. But yesterday proved to me that not only do I want to get better, but I'm doing this for me.
I guess sometimes I try and convince myself that I'm only eating to keep my family happy but really I am doing it because I want to be better, I want a life.
I guess I'm just happy that I can finally admit that to myself :)

Anyway sorry I didn't post yesterday, really been trying to revise but getting absolutely no-where!
Hope you all had a good day,
ali Ox

hehe I love doing funny faces ;P

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