Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Why is mental illness such a taboo?

It dawned on me the other day you can't speak about mental illness, people just assume you're crazy, mad, but it's not like that.

This year I've had to take a lot of time of due to my anorexia, and I still do.
It's just awkward when my classmates ask 'where were you yesterday?' or 'why do you always leave early?'
My teachers know about my illness and understand I have to miss 1-2 days a week.
But what am I meant to tell my classmates?

Yesterday my boyfriends best friend was asking why I was never in, why was my teacher asking how it went yesterday, where was I?
I panicked! I couldn't tell him about my illness. I was so embarrassed, ashamed.
I feel like if you look at me I look healthy, I look normal so wouldn't he just think I was making it up? Would he just think I was delusional? Crazy? Mad?
Ah why am I so paranoid!

It just annoys me that I have to lie about my ed, because people don't understand it.

People think an ed is just a skinny girl wanting to be skinnier. But it isn't.
It's a complex mental illness that can affect anyone.
Just because someone looks 'normal' it doesn't mean there not still struggling.
And also just because someone is struggling it doesn't make them crazy!
Struggling means you can't handle something, people shouldn't just avoid the issue and pretend your fine.

I just wish I could tell people what I'm going through, like share my problems, but I feel like I can't.

Ah this was a long casual 4am rant!!

Anyway speak to you all later,

Ali Ox

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