Finally I've gained some weight!
Over the past 6 months my weight has just gone between 46-47 but now I'm proud to say I'm 49.2kg!
Did I just say that??
Yes! I am proud to be 49.2kg! I'm proud my bmi is 18.3, no longer anorexic.
Okay yes when I first saw the number I panicked. I started to make up plans... But then I looked up and saw Jenna (my case worker from treatment) just beaming! And then I thought why would I try and loose this weight again? I've worked so hard, why do I want to go back to the dark place I was in before?
Yes I'm heavier, but I'm healthier, happier, more social, more focused, more fun, more me. Why would I loose all of that to be a couple of kilos lighter?
Sometimes it feels like everyone just cares about the number on the scales. I could never get my head around why being heavier would make any difference to how I felt, but it actually does. To fight anorexia you have to gain weight. I guess it's just kinda clicked that without gaining I'm not trying, so how could I ever win this battle?
So even if I don't want to I must keep trying, must keep gaining. And maybe I'll become even closer to beating it.