Tuesday, 17 April 2012

One step closer

Finally I've gained some weight!

Over the past 6 months my weight has just gone between 46-47 but now I'm proud to say I'm 49.2kg!

Did I just say that??

Yes! I am proud to be 49.2kg! I'm proud my bmi is 18.3, no longer anorexic.

Okay yes when I first saw the number I panicked. I started to make up plans... But then I looked up and saw Jenna (my case worker from treatment) just beaming! And then I thought why would I try and loose this weight again? I've worked so hard, why do I want to go back to the dark place I was in before?

Yes I'm heavier, but I'm healthier, happier, more social, more focused, more fun, more me. Why would I loose all of that to be a couple of kilos lighter?

Sometimes it feels like everyone just cares about the number on the scales. I could never get my head around why being heavier would make any difference to how I felt, but it actually does. To fight anorexia you have to gain weight. I guess it's just kinda clicked that without gaining I'm not trying, so how could I ever win this battle?

So even if I don't want to I must keep trying, must keep gaining. And maybe I'll become even closer to beating it.

Keep fighting,

Ali Ox


  1. i aactually smiled when i read this!! Even though i dont know you.. im so prroud of you. you've come so far! To be able tol live your life, and see how pretty you are, and to realise that its ok to be healthy. its ok to have a healthy weight.. and BMI 18, that is still low... that is on the thin side you are still very thin!

    You should be so proud of yourself and all your hard work.. dont give up and dont let Ana steer your thoughts... you beautiful the way you are1! :)

    Can i just ask, what do you eat in a day.. like do you follow a meal plan?
    and do you have any fear foods? :)

    1. It was actually your comment earlier that really helped me realise! Seriously thank you so much <3. Yes I do will do a little post on it later :) you don't anymore do you? And aha that's how I feel for you!! Ox