Thursday, 1 March 2012

Little slip...

Today I messed up.

I had been looking foward to going out with my friends for lunch.
I rarely eat lunch so it was a big step for me, but I thought I was ready for it.

But when we went to the food court I panicked.
My mates wanted kfc but I couldn't do it.
All I could think about was fat. How fatty the food was, how fat I was.
But I queued up,  I thought no who cares about fat I can do this.
But when I was called I just ordered a coffee.

I don't know why I changed my mind.
Today was a challenge for me, but I failed.
I kinda feel like I could try so much harder, but I don't.
But I guess I really need to work on that I can work on that                                   
Hope you're all having a good evening :)

#musttryharder Ox

4 comments:

  1. awww hun. im so sorry that you are struggling so much with your meals and that you feel like you have failed but the truth is that you have not failed but just stumbled a little, i mean it would have been amazing thing to do to challange your thoughts at that moment but just because you ed's voice was too loud it doesnt mean you have in any way failed. but just try to use this as even more MOTIVATION and even more of a reason to beat this thing once and for all. think how dare ed ruin a lunch out with your friends like that? how dare ed stop you from having fun, enjoying your meal and being normal?? all your friends ate that food and they did not feel bad about it so if they can eat that food with even thinking twice then why shouldnt you be able to do that too? you are JUST AS ENTITLED to eat that food as they are if not MORE entitled and what more your body desperately NEEDS that food to recover from the severe damage and abuse that it has suffered due to ed. please huni do NOT GIVE UP dont let ed hurt your body anymore, dont let it control you. YOU ARE STRONGER AND SO MUCH BETTER than ed. YOU CAN AND WILL beat this. try again tomorrow and show ed how strong you CAN BE. Show ed that you WILL NOT IT IT CONTROL OR ABUSE YOU and try to MAKE UP for the fact that you skipped luch today by CHALLANGING yourself to maybe enjoy a treat food or tackle a craving??? you show ed who is the boss and you know what??? i bet you if you do do that you will NOT FEEL GUILTY but instead YOU WILL FEEL SO STRONG AND POWERFUL. because YOU WILL HAVE BEATEN ED and the more and more you do things like that the less ed will try to fight or control you simply because it will start to realise that you are too strong and that you are BEATING IT. and one day all that negitivity will just dissapear and those voices and ed thoughs will be gone FOREVER and YOU WILL BE FREE. YOU WILL HAVE BEATEN ED. go for it hun! Go fight for your life!!! cant wait to hear if you try this tomorrow!!! good luck and BIG hugs! from sarah

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    1. Thank you so so much hunnie! You always bring me up and remind me how I can recover. We both are beating ed! I'm so sorry hun I didn't do it. I felt so bad I didn't know whether to tell you or not. I got so scared last minute as my friend invited loads more people. As no-one knows about my eating disorder I was scared they'd realise or that I would panic and embarass myself. Instead I completed a slightly easier challenge of pizza tonight. Thank you again for your help and support <3. You truely have the knowledge and strenght to beat this, and I'm sure you will! Are you trying any challenges? Love ali Ox

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  2. You havent failed.
    I mean, if you dont eat lunch, and then all of a sudden going to eat at KFC.. thats not easy. It would have been better if you could just have gotten a sandwich or pasta salad or something.. maybe you can say that to your friends, if they know you're sick?
    You dont have to rush into things your not ready for, that will just cause anxiety and guilt!

    Good luck with thingss!

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    1. Thank you! I guess I was feeling like I had to be fully normal and do everything I used to do, but you're right. It's not good to rush into things it'll probably just cause me to feel worse. It's so great to hear how well you're doing :). Please don't stop blogging, you have such a talent trust me people would just enjoy reading about anything in your life, ali Ox

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