It's strange I'm not as scared of food. I don't dread the next meal. And some things I almost enjoy eating.
I went to the clinic today. I was so nervous but I finally gained weight :).
I was so happy but the staff were so shocked to see that. They asked me what made me so happy? And I thought well I do want to gain weight. Getting better means gaining weight, so why wouldn't I want to?
I explained that what's keeping me from panicking is simply thinking about it as a number on the scales and not considering the effect on my body.
I mean I can feel my body getting bigger, and yes I do hate it.
But if I just don't think about it, then it can't upset me.
And hey maybe one day I will learn to accept my bigger body.