Saturday, 25 February 2012

Today.

Today has been tough.

Ive been so low but I've kept eating.
I've realised that no matter how I'm feeling I must eat.
I have to fight this now, or I never will.

On a more positive note today I saw the uni I'll hopefully be of to in september.
It was amazing. Seriously you can have a year studying in Australia and a year working in Florida. It's actually my dream life.

But, mum had to remind me how I might not be able to do all this.

I know if I don't recover I can't but for once I just wanted a day to dream of a life without ana.

I know she just cares and wants me to have a life. Its just upsetting to realise I might not actually move on from how I'm feeling now.

I guess I just need to keep proving to everyone, and myself, how I won't let that happen.

#recoveryismyonlychoice Ox

4 comments:

  1. okay, you are officialy my hero! ; ) you are been so incredibily strong and brave right now and doing so fantastic that...well I really don't have the words to congratulate you enough. Please dont worry about the future just yet because I know for sure that if you just keep concentrating on each and every day as it comes then you WIL most DEFINITELY be able to do absolutely ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that you want to do in this world. seriously once you are healthy the sky is your limit. do you know how I know that? because you already have the qualities that other people lack and stop them from achieving all the amazing things that you WILL achieve in life. You have the qualities of INCREDIBLE strength, ADMIRABLE courage and the most AMAZING determination that I have ever seen before so hunni the ONLY thing that is stopping you from ruling this whole planet! is your health. but you are doing so fantastically well, so push through the feelings of fullness and think of all the wonderful things that food will enable you to do!!!if you really are stuggling with the fullness though why dont you challange yourself to a little bit of ice-cream/ chocolate/ muffin??? because since you HAVE TO gain weight you may as well do it with your favourite foods right??? Wouldnt it be AMAZING if you could actually start to look forward to your next meal/ snack because you know that if you have a craving you can just got for it?? and even if you're not craving anything in particular why not just try something that you have always wanted to try but that your ed has stopped you from doing??? just a suggestion, but you are FABULOUS so keep it up! lots of hugs! from sarah

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    1. Sarah you are amazing! Seriously whenever I'm feeling down you know just how to bring me up again. You are such an amazing inspiration, and you should be so proud of yourself. You're so right I should be challenging myself. I would love to be able to enjoy things like chocoalte again and hopefully soon will. Thank you for your AMAZING support! I actually couldn't keep going without all your kind words! Reading your comments fills me with motivation, I can't thank you enough for what you're doing. Stay strong we both have the strenght, courage and determination to beat this and we will go on to live lives full of happiness, achieving everything we want to. How is your recovery going? Really hope your doing well. Best of luck, ali Ox

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  2. Good for you for eating today. I hope you can use the university for motivation! Great reason to recover! You have to be healthy to attend and study! One day at a time, right! Keep up the good work! You CAN do this! YOU WILL MOVE ON! It IS possible. Positive thoughts!

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    1. Thank you so so much! You're so right I just need to take each day as it comes and embrace the challenges it brings me. Definitely keeping positive thoughts with me! Hope you are doing well, you're in my prayers. Keep fighting, ali Ox

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