Wednesday, 22 February 2012

almost free

Today was tough.

I woke up feeling hopeless, like I didn't have the energy for this anymore.
But today made me realise I do.

It's tough fighting an eating disorder, it seems so get stronger and stronger everyday.
But actually the more you fight back, the weaker it becomes.

Today I could have woken up, skipped school and not eaten a thing.
But I didn't.
I put up a fight.
And yes it killed me to have to eat and then to go to school pretending everything was fine.
But I did it.

And then tonight something amazing happened.
When dinner was ready I was actually hungry.
I brought the bowl into my room and slowly began to eat it.
Within half an hour I had finished the plate.

It may not sound much but for me that was such a trimuph, and I know theres many more of those to come.

I'm going to have moments of worry, even now I'm looking down at my thighs in digust.
But these moments are starting to have less of an impact on me.
I may never be happy about my appearance but recently I'm starting to care a bit less.
I would much rather be full of life, surrounded by people I love.
And very soon I will be this way.

Of to the clinic tomorrow to be weighed :(. Wish me luck <3

#iwillneverstopfighting Ox

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